Strength has an interesting way of building itself. It takes on many forms and challenges recklessly, not necessarily stopping to ask permission or even take in mind who or what it sacrifices along the way. Strength surfaces when it wants and how it wants.
Strength building manifests itself both physically and mentally, breaking down superficial barriers and stripping humility down to it's core in order to create a more solid structure.
2013 has brought with it so many blessings as well as strength building challenges.
Humbling is living in a 31 year-old body that is rapidly turning against itself. Frustrating are the joints that are in a constant rotation of inflammation, stiffness and degeneration. Scary is the heart, inflamed and floundering that cannot maintain a steady beat. Waking up with a flu-like exhaustion, day..after day...after day. Not remembering simple tasks and living in a fog-like state with breaks in words.
Writing a simple blog entry I used to not be able to type as fast as my brain wanted me to.
Now, I lose my train of thought constantly...searching for the last thought to connect the thoughts together. I am tired. I am angry. I am weak. I am confused. I am sad for my family. I am over it.
Me, having been through a strength-building exercise or two (give or take), understands that this is just the beginning. The beginning of a lesson. A lesson in faith. A lesson in love. A lesson in resilience. A lesson of patience. I have been waiting for a specialist appointment for over 6 months. Monday is my consultation. I don't think I can fully express in words what some understanding will do for my spirit.
I have accepted God's will (whatever that may be) and I am built to take on the challenge,
but man am I ready for some answers to continue fighting without the blindfold.
Today I am reawakening Healthy Shmelthy as a way to record, reflect, and hopefully inspire
others along the way. I can't make any promises of how the journey will go, but there is a lot of freedom in turning it over and being transparent. Here I am, stripped down to my core. Ready.